Why GOD, Why? I ran over my cat today!!!!!

RIP TIGER

I don't even have words to express the grief I'm feeling.
The GUILT
The anger, that I am the one who ran over my beautiful cat.
I loved him so much.

He was the BEST FREAKIN CAT EVER, and I will miss him
I will miss him rubbing against my legs everyday
I will miss his BEAUTIFUL green eyes, the most beautiful eyes ever
I will miss him walking with us down the street, EVERYWHERE
Everyone that met him would always say how awesome he was
He was the friendliest cat
He was the best companion
The kids adored him
Even my mom who is not a pet person, LOVED him so much

He ran out of food yesterday, and my mom must have reminded me a million times to get Tiger food
So yesterday and today he got spoiled with whole albacore tuna, I was just joking that he loves running out of food, because thats when he gets the yummy stuff :)

Just this morning, my mom and I watched him as he devoured his food
He was so beautiful, we loved on him SOOOO much today

I just can't believe he's gone

Right before my eyes, I saw him take his last breath

It's just unbelievable. WHY me, WHY did I have to be the one to take his life

I just couldn't stop shaking, the kids ran out to see, and everyone was screaming, crying, I just killed him, I just killed Tiger

It was supposed to be a happy day, everything was perfect, I was heading to the gym for my yoga class and to go rock climbing with the kids

If I had left a minute earlier, if I had left five minutes later

If I didn't leave at all

If I had looked behind my van, like I always do.

This time I only saw the kids bike to the side, and I don't know why, but I never checked for the cat
WHY DIDN'T I CHECK for the cat?

WHY

WHY

WHY

The kids said he was sitting in the driveway cleaning himself just minutes before we left
I called them all to hurry and get in the car
We were all thinking about the gym, rock climbing, and NOBODY thought about Tiger

I'm sorry baby, I'm SOOOOOOOOOO sorry.

I love you, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU with all my heart!!

I took some pictures of him, I will miss him always.

This is the hardest it's ever been on me to lose an animal. I just can't imagine I could cry so many tears for a cat, but damn it, I LOVED that cat so much, and I FUCKING killed him. How can I ever forgive myself for that?

It's been four hours since it happened, and I haven't stopped crying since. I just can't stop thinking about him, right now, he would have been sleeping on his favorite spot in the garage. We would have called him in for the night, and gave him one last rub before heading to bed.

Now he's dead, and cold in a grave. I feel so guilty, so bad, so sad, so hurt.

All I know is that he didn't suffer.

It happened so fast, I backed up, ran over him, saw him dash to the front of the driveway, and thats when I jumped out of the car, realizing what just happened

By the time I got to him, (5 seconds later) he took his last breath, there was NOTHING I could do.

There was no blood, no visible sign of injury, he just looked like he was sleeping, only this time he would never wake up, and I'm flippin crying like a crazy mad woman all over again, I just can't get the thought out of my head, I just can't stop seeing him. I know he didn't suffer, it was just SO fast.

If there is anything I can be thankful for, it is that!

I'm so sorry everyone, I know this was a terribly sad post, but I just HAD to sahre his story, and what I did. I had to write about it, and get all my feelings out, and I have to share some pictures with all of you, because I loved him, and I always will

He was a HUGE part of our family, there will never be another cat like him, EVER.

My husband said, that you never know why things like this happen, and I know that's the truth.

Would I rather have had him die a painful death some other way, or hit by a strangers car on the road, where he was left by himself, NO of course not.

But this pain is just unbearable, I am 100%responsible, and he never saw it coming. He trusted us so much.

This is just something I can't explain, to know that you are responsible for your animals death.

Oh gosh, my heart is hurting so bad, I miss my cat :(

Do you believe cats, (animals) know when they are loved?
Do you believe they can love you back?

I know Tiger loved us, and I sure hope he knows how much we loved him too, FORVER!!!

 We buried him in my daughters blanket, so he would be forever warm.

We all wrote on this makeshift cross, that just happened to by Dino D's sword. It was from him to Tiger, so he could remember him always.

My mom, bless her heart, she was so strong, and dug the hole, and took care of everything for me. I don't know what I would have done without her, I was just a mess. Shaking, I"M STILL SHAKING, and CRYING, and shaking, and crying :(

The girly, grabbed a kitty from her room, and buried it with Tiger, so of course he wouldn't be lonely. 

 My oldest, gave Tiger his book. Diary of a Wimpy Kid Diary, because it's filled with all kinds of stuff about him, and he thought Tiger should have it. I mean seriously, OMG, these kids are just making me cry even more. We all loved Tiger SO much. DId I already tell you guys that, WE LOVED TIGER!!!

 After he was buried, my mom put a planter on his grave and filled it with flowers. The princess said it was perfect, so he would never be hungry. You know because cats love to chew on grass, and plants :)

 I never quite understood the grief of losing an animal like this, it's so painful.

I just can't believe that he was with us, and now he's gone.

Just the other day I shared a picture of him on facebook, he was so peaceful sleeping on the grass, it was such a beautiful day, everything was perfect.

Now he's gone

I will ALWAYS love you TIGER!!!